Woot Woot and a Waahoo too!!!

I can't believe it! I lost 1.6kg this week. :-)

I have been super good with my eating, well apart from a bit too much chocolate, but the rest of the time i have been near perfect and it has obviously paid off.

Excuse the picture, i have lost my camera so had to take it on my iPhone. Well gotta run, plenty to do this week in the lead up to Miss R's 3rd birthday. :-o

xox

Um, ok...

Wow! Really not much change at all and i ate really well all week. :-( Only 100g down on last week but i really need to focus on there being a loss, it's so easy to lose focus and motivation on weeks where your eating has been perfect and you only pull a small number.

My period arrived this week so it could be some retained fluid from that but i didn't really exercise and i know for me and my body that exercise plays a huge part in losing weight. I'm not someone that can rely on diet only. I know they say diet is 80% of weight loss and exercise is only 20% but i think for me it's closer to 50 / 50.

I am going to really try hard to take the dissapointment of the scales to push myself a bit harder this week, it's so hard though when this dissapointment really feels like it could be fixed with a big batch of hot chips, mmmmmm, but then the satisfaction of pulling a big number next week would feel much much better than that big batch of hot chips.

I did however stick to my goals last week of reducing wheat and dairy and have almost eliminated them from my diet, so yay me for that! This weeks goal is to do my AB program at least 5 times and to do my push up program 4 times.

OK weight you can bugger off now.

xox

Eat right for your type.

A few years ago i was given information on eating for your blood type from my naturopath. I followed it and LOVED it, i had never felt or looked better but then life got in the way as always and i went back to eating normally.

Well this last week i have decided to start 'eating for my type' again.

How it works is it firstly looks at your blood type then you follow the eating plan according to your blood type. It's like any other "diet" in that it mainly reccomends plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables and lean meat but it does direct you to towards certain foods that are beneficial for your type and certain foods you should avoid for your type.

I am blood type O, as most people in Australia are, so here is the list of foods for a type O blood.

 

Here is a link to look at what i am following for my type. http://www.drlam.com/blood_type_diet/blood_o_chart.asp

 

I am not normally one to follow "diets" and i HATE fads with a passion but at the moment i feel like i need some direction, i feel like i need something to tell me what to have and what not to have so i don't have to negatiate with myself.

 

Well tomorrow is weigh in day so fingers crossed that this past week show some improvement. :-)

 

xox

No quite what i was hoping for but not quite as bad either...

BOOOO!!! I gained 300g. :-( But really what else can i expect. I didn't have a great week and really didn't fit in any exercise at all. It is the motivation i need to get cracking this week though.

So my dairy and wheat intake are still high, not as bad as they were but not great. This week my main aims are to cut the lollies at work and drink drink drink, especially since we have been having such gorgeous weather.

Kim xox

Starting Point

I thought i was starting from 67kg but when i jumped on the scales today i was pleasantly surprised to see this.

So last week, without really trying i managed to lose 800g.

I am aiming to get to 60kg. I am yet to hit that since having the kids and would love love love to get back there. I am not worried about doing it fast so long as i see a loss or maintain each week i will be happy.

Today started off ok, until R and i decided to make cupcakes. I don't know why i do it but one lick of my finger and i was gone. I have no had a couple of licks of the bowl once it was finished as well as eated the edges of the cupcakes i cut off and then went on to eat a crumpet with butter. :-( I really have no idea why i do it. I wasn't hungry, i didn't really want it but still i can't stop myself????? I have managed to pry myself away from the kitchen while the last batch are cooking in the oven and as soon as Aaron gets home i am going to attempt some exercise.

Well binge and winge over, time to get focused and get results.

Kim xox

I know i know...

So life has gotten in the way again and i haven't blogged for months... Could have something to do with the 4 hours sleep a day i am getting while working part time (9pm until 2am) and looking after the kids full time.

WORK - So work is going FANTASTIC... I am super please with how it's going and am going to have a little brag about myself. ;-)
So it's not an uncommon thing to get compliments come through but when the compliment is forwarded to the CEO and the CEO forwards it out to the whole company and mentions it at the AGM it's a HUGE deal. Yep can you believe it, that's what happened to me. OMG i was stoked, as was my boss and her boss and her boss above that and his boss above that right up to the CEO of direct banking...
So here it is, the copy of the compliment forwarded out by CEO Ralph Norris. :-)

This year's most outstanding compliment praises the efforts of Kimberly Paull of Direct Banking in Newcastle. In particular, Kimberly is praised for her calm and professional approach to resolving her customer’s issue.



“I called 132221 to see what I could do about retrieving an amount of money that my wife and I accidently transferred into an incorrect account. I was very concerned at this time as the sum of money was quite significant to us and we had no idea to whom we had transferred the money. I was assisted on the telephone by Customer Service Representative, Kimberly Paull, who was absolutely fantastic! I was quite anxious at the time and worried about the possibility of not being able to recoup the money and missing mortgage repayments.


Kimberly was calm, reassuring and extremely helpful. I have to admit I was probably not the ideal customer at the time and she worked with me on the phone to ensure that whatever could be done would be done. Kimberly represented the CBA in a completely professional, good humoured and friendly manner. While I acknowledge that the initial problem was my fault, had I not experienced the level of professional customer service that I did from Kimberly, it may have prompted me to look elsewhere for my banking needs. Well done Kimberly and thank you VERY much!”

Sorry, just had to share. So to top that off my team leader sat me down the other night and asked if i would be interested in training up to be a replacement assistant team leader... I just wanted to launch myself at her and scream YES while giving her a massive hug but i didn't instead i did the correct thing and said of course i would love that and politley thanked her very much.
Seriously though with all the crappy things that have been going on the positive things that have been happening at work have been a great distraction. I took about 3 steps backwards when i took this role so it's really really great to be getting offered opportunities already... :-)

ME - So i am keen to get rid of this weight and am going to start keeing a record of my journey, mainly to keep myself honest.
So i am currently at 67kg, yep back where i was after having B. I have started Pole Dancing with MPOLE which i LOVE. I go on Friday nights before work and i am loving my little bit of 'me' time. It's a great workout, especially for the core which is exactly what i thought and what i need. I can't wait to move up the levels now and learn all there is to learn.

Ok that's enough for now, i am going to be completly naughty and go and make some pikelets to pig out on before tomorrow when i start cracking the whip on my butt again. ;-)

Kim xox

two or three?

Babies that is... I want three he is happy with two. Hmmm, i have never made it a secret that i have always wanted three children but in the same breath Aaron has always said he 'thinks' he wants two. He always said he would re-assess after we had children and after Boston was born he said he is happy with the two.
Now i totally understand his reasonings BUT i think, i am pretty sure, i want another. I do sway though from desperately wanting another to being happy with the two gorgeous ones we have now. From as far back as i can remember i have wanted 3 kids, i always said i wanted 2 boys and a girl, not that i would care what the sex of the next one was but my point is this isn't something i have just decided on lately. I think what is swinging my mind is Aaron's points.
Ok so here are his reasons why he doesn't want another baby and my responses. ;-)

• Car - We wouldn't have any spare seats. Why do we need a spare seat? The car will fit 3 car seats
• House - Two of them would have to share. They wouldn't have had to share if he hadn't put us in the financial shit hole we are in as the plan was to sell before R started school and get a bigger house and if we keep working hard we will get out of this and be able to buy a bigger house. And what is wrong with kids sharing a room for a few years.
• Finances - He wants to be able to give our children a helping hand and give them the best possible start. Please refer to part of the response above but also having three kids wont make us broke, yes we wont be able to give them as much as if we only had two but this is always going to be the case when you add another child.
• Time - He can take one kid somewhere i can take the other kid somewhere and one of them will have to miss out. Heaps of people have three or more kids and manage.
• Relationship - Our relationship has been through more than most couples would go through in a life time over the last 18months. Well this is my con, Aaron thinks things are back to 100% but i am still dealing with everything so this is my main con against having three babies.
• Getting me back - I am really enjoying getting me back, i have either been pregnant or BF since March 2007 so it will be nice to have me back but if i had another child i totally wouldn't mind giving up myself again for a few years.
• Effort and stress - He thinks i am a bit of a perfectionist and he gets annoyed about how i always have to have the house clean and always have to be doing things with the kids, he doesn't understand why i can't just let them watch TV (like he does when he has them) and that i am going to wear myself out and become even more of a stress head. Isn't this for me to deal with, yes i do get stressed when things don't go the way i plan and yes i do like to schedule everything and am a super organised person but i think those organisational skills are what would help me cope well with three kids.

Ok i will leave it there. I might come back and read over those pro's and con's a few times over the next few weeks and hope the picture is clearer. I wish it was an easy decision.

Right Now...

Right now i am sitting on the lounge in the lounge room. The movie "little miss sunshine" is on TV and i can hear the air conditioner kick into action. B went to bed fine at around 8pm but my little miss sunshine has decided that sleep isn't for her any more. Rather than argue with her (i have learn't to pick my battles) i let her grab her pillow and a blanket and lay on the lounge. Needless to say she crashed out shortly after and this is the sleeping beauty as she is right now laying next to me.

So i have done the tasks i set for myself tonight which was to clean the lounge room and dining room again and mop all the floors, yay. Finally i can sit and relax with the lap top.

To be totally honest with you though i actually really enjoy housework. I love the gratification i get after the job is done and i love looking around seeing the house all sparkly and clean, even if i know it will be destroyed within 5 minutes of the kids waking in the morning. Sad of me isn't it. I guess after everything that we have been through over the last few years it's the smallest things that make me happy.

One of the things that makes me happiest lately is coming home from work. Yep as soon as 2am hits i am out the door as fast as i possibly can be. I love walking in the door wondering which of my babies will be in bed waiting for cuddles and i actually get a tad dissapointed if they have both slept beautifully and are both still tucked up in their own beds. Again sad of me isn't it.

Anyway when i got home on saturday morning this is what i was greeted with.

Nawwwwww, both my babies crashed out in my bed. Don't you just love how B is draped over the pillow and R is all neat and sleeping as if she were a princess. lol.

So of course i promptly hopped into bed and joined them all for cuddles, lucky we have a king size bed!

-xox-

Hello Blog... My pledge.

Well hello blog, long time no see. ;-)

Yes life has gotten busy again, yes very busy and as my previous promise i have come back and will come back.

OK so yes life is hectic and yes i am tired but it is important to me to write about what is happening in my life, our life so my pledge is i promise to post every sunday night. It may not be much, it may not be interesting or inspiring but i will post every week.

Promise.

Kim -xox-

Our first family trip to the movies...

Firstly i am back, yay... :-) I have been on night shift for 2 weeks now and finally feel like i am starting to find some sort of routine and the money is really starting to help, but that's for another time...

Today Aaron and i decided to take the kids off to the movies for the very first time... It has been raining non stop here for the past few weeks and the kids and i have a bad case of cabin fever so i was flicking through the paper when i saw Mickey Mouse Club House was at the movies.

The whole way there Regan kept saying "yay we are going to the big kids movies" but even as we got there i don't think she really knew what we were doing. So we lined up for tickets and as usual Aaron is telling me to stop taking photo's and come and help him, ergh, can men ever do anything by themselves. ;-)

So as a treat we let Regan get some lollies and pop corn. Yes that is the biggest bucket of popcorn i have ever seen but it was shared between Regan, Aaron and myself. Needless to say she had to carry the treats.

So we went in and sat down but we had no idea that they now have allocated seating, whoops!!! So we had to up and move seats just incase, now that tells you how long it's been since we have been to the movies.

We finally got our seats and settled in. Regan LOVED it... She was so well behaved and kept laughing and smiling the whole movie and Boston was an angel... He sat there a bit mesmerised and also a bit confused watching the big screen but then happily played with his giraffe, had a feed, then quietly fell asleep.

Please note the GIANT size coke my husband had... Despite this he still managed to fall asleep during the movie, he was awake for most of it though and only started snoozing in the last 10 minutes or so, so he did better than what he usually does.

All up it was a fantastic day and the kids loved it. I can't wait until the next child friendly movie.

Training is almost done!!!

"Hi this is Kimberly, your service specialist, how may i help you."

Haha, well this is what i will be saying about 80 times per shift 5 days a week as of next week. Yep, my training is finially finishing, i have 1 day of training left and then 1 week of buddying then i start my shift work.

I have really enjoyed training, using my mind again, meeting new people and talking to adults but i have missed my babies terribly.

I can now see that the push for me to return to work is one of the best things that has happened. For the 1st time in ages i have spare money in my bank account, i am appreciating my babies and the time i have with them so much more and it has done wonders for my sanity.

- xox -

Beautiful Nap Time

Yesterday was a cold rainy day. Having worked all week then been to the gym and run around all day saturday meant i just wanted to spend the day at home. By lunch time both the kids were starting to go a bit stir crazy with being trapped inside. Regan told me she was tired and wanted to have a nap but was having trouble falling asleep and wanted me to lay with her.
Boston was due for a feed so i suggested we all go and lay in my bed and i can feed Boston and lay with her while she fell asleep. Now normally this spells disaster, Regan normally gets frustrated by Boston wiggling and kicking while he feeds and then she distracts him from feeding by talking to him and trying to play. So we lay down and i started feeding Bossy and before i knew it we were all asleep. Boston next to me then Regan next to him. I lay there with my arm stretched out over both of them dozing on and off for 2 hours. It was one of the sweetest most precious things, to open my eyes and see both my babies snuggled up together and snuggled up to me. I didn't want to close my eyes again but i was just so tired that it over took me and i would drift off again.
It felt like only minutes but when they both started to stir i checked the clock and it was almost 2 hours since we first lay down. I lay there watching them slowly wake from their sleep and as they both opened their eyes and look at each other and at me they both smiled. Within minutes they were talking, gooing and laughing and ready to get up and get moving again but i will forever cherish that precious nap, those beautiful snuggles, those sleepy smiles, children really do give you the most amazing experiences of your life.

Back to work and not hating it???

Well this week i returned to work...

Whilst it was one of the hardest decisions i have ever had to make i am SOOO glad i decided to return. I was so hesitant to leave my babies for the 5 weeks of full time training but to be completly honest, i am loving it way more than i ever thought i would and that makes me feel terrible. I should be hating the time i am spending away from my babies, i should be pining for them every minute, shouldn't i? I have heard in the past some mum's say that by returning to work it makes them a better mum and it means the time they spend with their children is about quality rather than quantity. I used to think, pffftt, that's just something you tell yourself to make yourself feel better but now i am not so sure. Every lunch time and every afternoon i find my self absolutley enjoying every second i spend with my babies, instead of trying to grab 5 minutes on the computer or get the kids to play by them selves while i get the dishes done or stressing about the thousand things that need to be done i am now sitting down and devoting 100% of every minute with them. Because i am not running around constantly everyday i am finding i have so much more energy at night to stay up and get the housework done and get organised meaning i am not taking time away from them to get things done. Don't get me wrong if i had the chance i would stay home with the kids full time but i think by returning to work these 5 weeks it has made me a much better mum. I am a better mum because i appreciate the time i have with my babies whole heartedly, i am a better mum because i now realise our life was way to hectic before and i was wearing myself out trying so hard to be perfect and get everything done, i am a better mum because i realise i do need more "me" time and that "me" time doesn't mean i can't cope it just means i need to recharge so i can be the best mum possible, i am a better mum because i know i am contributing so much more to their future now and doing my absolute best to ensure they have a good life, i am a better mum because i am getting out there and talking to other adults meaning i am not so down on myself all the time.

Regardless of everything i have just said i am still hanging for the training to be over and found myself really wanting to come home this afternoon, the next challenge (and the bigger one) will be managing to work on the night shift as well as look after the kids during the day, it is really going to take it's toll on me and a good schedule is going to have to be worked out because the way it is both Aaron and i will be working off about 4-5 hours sleep a night and i know that won't be good but we will figure something out over the next few weeks.

xox

POLLY DOLLY - Gym Gear

 Ok so i thought i would join in... ;-) Every Thursday Danimezza does a Polly Dolly theme. She will list the theme and then you put together your favourite things to do with that theme. I have decided to join in as it will give me something different to post about and hey i can get my shopping fix at the same time.

This week it's GYM GEAR!!!

So here is my collage and i will explain my choices.

The Lorna Jane pants. Well Lorna Jane is my all time favourite gym wear to buy the only down side is the $$$ however the quality is just fantastic so well worth it. Is it just me or do those pants just look soooo comfy. I am in desperate need of some new joggers. I LOVE my Asics and as soon as i am back at work will be frantically saving for a new pair. My iPhone is my weapon of choice while running, i run so much better while listening to music and i feel safe carrying it knowing that someone is just a phone call away, call my paranoid but sometime when i am running down a quiet street i get a little spooked.

My trusty Tupperware drink bottle, i have it in orange and it comes EVERYWHERE with me. It is a safe plastic that won't break down into the water and it saves me buying a new bottle of water everytime i go out. Did you know that water bottles are like the number 1 piece of litter... The Forum, this it my gym and i am hooked, i would go everyday if i could. The heart rate monitor is there because if i ever had a spare $150 i would buy one, it would make such a difference to my training. The wrist sweat band now I keep meaning to buy one of these but always manage to forget, it probably won't be so much of an issue now the weather is cooling down but i will try and get one soon.

Lastly NO EXCUSES, this is my motto when it comes to exercise and i love it becuase it's simple and so true.

xox

HILL TO HARBOUR 10K fun run

HILL TO HARBOUR

Well most people buy easter eggs for their family on easter and while easter eggs were shared it wasn't the main event in my families easter this year. Instead of the traditional egg hunt and chocolate overdose we all decided to participate in the 10k Hill to Harbour fun run.

Now mum, my sister (Amanda) and i participate reguarly in fun runs but the rest of my family have never really bothered so we were sooo excited when most of them agreed to run with us. Even thought they have never run in a fun run before they are all pretty fit, active and healthy people so it really wasn't too hard to convince them.

The day started out at Amanda's at 730am, we all met and chatted and got excited and nervous about what we were all about to do. Then at about 8am we decided to walk to the start line, which was about 20 minutes from Amanda's house. On the way it started to rain and got heavier and heavier and really didn't look like it was going to stop. Amanda had her iPod and i had my iPhone and we were both worried about them getting wet so made the decision to call Aaron and get him to pick them up for us, bad move. Good old Murphy paid us a visit after that and right before the race the clouds parted and the sun came out. Grrr. Neither of us had ever run without music before but we were up for the challenge.

The race gun went and the masses started to slowly file through the start gate. Amanda and i started out running together but within the first 200meters she was already gaining momentum so we spilt and she ran ahead. It took me about 3k's to get into a good rhythmn which is way longer than usual but i think having no music was the problem then at about the 4k mark my feet started to hurt and the blisters started to build.

This is the end result of my blisters. :-( Even though they were killing me i never stopped running. As soon as i crossed that finish line though all i wanted to do was get my shoes off...

Anyway i LOVED it, i loved pushing myself and reaching a goal, i loved doing something with the whole community that supports one of my passions being health and fitness and the best part about it was i was doing it with the people that matter the most.

This is my sister (Amanda), me and my mum after the race. Now i do have to mention that my mum is a bit of a super woman, she had a full hysterectomy just 7 weeks prior and although she didn't run like she normally does she did walk the whole 10ks and is busting for the next challenge.

When i signed up for this particular run i had 2 goals, the first was to finish in under 75 minutes and the other was to beat my sister. Well i didn't beat Amanda but i did finish in under 75 minutes so i am happy with that.

So what did the rest of the family think??? They loved it and are all pumped and excited for next easter now. Looks like this will be an annual easter tradition for us now. :-)

Oh yeah and i know you are probably wondering what my time was, well it was 68 minutes from start to finish. The next race on the agenda is the Mothers Day Classic, bring it on. :-)

xox

The down sizing begins...

OK it's time to downsize EVERYTHING!!!! The more we down size the faster we can repay the debt meeaning the sooner this dark cloud will lift.

THE HOUSE - Now i am going to do everything in my power not to sell BUT i am getting it valued on Tuesday simply to see what it's worth. We bought it in July 2007 for $345,000. Since then we have put new carpet in, painted, totally re-done the back yard, totally re-done the granny flat underneath and stacks of little things like add airconditioning etc. What i am hoping is that the value has gone up a bit so i can redraw on the loan to make a dent in some of the debt.

THE CAR - Yes my car has to go, infact i have 2 weeks to get rid of it. Eeeek. I have a buyer, well 2 actually. The first buyer, and the one i am selling to, is Pete, our former neighbour and landlord before we bought this house. He owns a car yard and is more than happy to buy the car off me, yay. The 2nd buyer is my mum, the day i bought the car she said to me "in 5 years time i am going to buy that car off you". She has loved the car ever since i bought it and has always said she wanted to buy it but i know that at the moment it isn't the right thing for her to do. Yes she has the money and loves the car BUT she is only buying it off me to help me out. Mum is very very strict with her money and would never spend more than $15k on a car, which is why she said in 5 years time she would buy it. As much as it is a lovely gesture i just wouldn't feel comfortable selling it to her.
So i have been looking high and low for a cheap, reliable car. Based on reccomendations I have looked at Holden Commodore's, Mazda's and Subaru's and i think i have found one. :-) I dark blue Subaru Impreza Wagon, it's a 1999 and only $7,500 so under budget, woohoo! Yes it's old and it's going to have problems but i have been driving past it for about a week and a half now and everytime i see it i like it a little more, then tonight i was on http://www.carsales.com.au/ when i found it and fell in love with it even more. So first thing tomorrow morning i am going to call the guy.

THE KIDS ACTIVITES - Jungle Sports on Thursday, Swimming lessons's on Wednesday, Gymbaroo on Mondays. All gone. :-( I have decided for the next 6 months we will give the activities a miss. As much as this breaks my heart i have to be realistic. We were spending about $650 per term on activities for the kids and that doesn't include petrol too and from each activity. It will break my heart that they can't do them but i am just going to have to try and make up for it in other ways like more trips to the park and doing my own swimming practive with them. I keep telling myself there are plenty of other kids out there who do no activites and are fine and i know they don't "need" to do all these things but i am struggling with letting them go. They aren't the only ones having to miss out, my gym membership runs out in May and i am going to have to let that go as well. :-( :-( I know it's not forever and i know i have the knowledge and the skills to keep training and stay fit on my own but i will miss that me time, that 1.5 hours i get to put the kids in the creche and exercise in peace will now have to be done at home with Miss R copying me and asking why i'm doing what i am doing, very cute though.

THE FOOD - I have always been a good food shopper and so this wont be too hard. We will still get our F&V for nothing and our meat will still be a barter deal with the butcher but everything else is going to have to be watched. Our takeaway 1 night a week will have to stop, not that i am too worried about that, and Aaron is giving away his beloved beer, woopty do... I am going to be more careful with waste and make sure we eat our left overs instead of throwing them out.

PANDORA - I sat down and roughly went through my Pandora charms the other night and to my absolute shock i have more than $1500 worth of charms!!! I nearly fell off the side of the bed... Granted i have had it for a couple of years and most of the charms have been given to me as gifts so it's not like i have gone and spent that much money on jewellery. Not sure what i am going to do about it but knowing how much i have sitting in my bedside draw is making it very tempting to sell.

WORK - So i start work with the Commonwealth Bank in just over a week. I will be working full time, 830-430pm M-F, for 4 weeks for training then i will move onto my standar shift which will be 9pm till 2am M-F. I am going to be buggered but i will survive. I am going back into a contact centre and the role is similar to where i started with Coke. I am taking a couple of steps backwards in terms of my career but i am more than ok with that. I couldn't do the hours that my old role requires nor could i handle the stress right now, so for now i will be more than happy to answer the phones and talk to people. That's not to say i don't have any goals for career progression, i have many goals that will be achievable within CBA but for now i just want to work. I am still looking at PT work but not pushing it at the moment, i really need consistant reliable work more than anything.
Bookwork. Yep there is that dirty word... So i know i can't 'blame' her directly but for F's Sake why didn't my MIL, who was doing the books, make me aware of the situation before it became a total disaster?!?!?! Why oh why did my MIL and Aaron decide it was better NOT to tell me the full extent of what was going on? So since the crap hit the fan i have taken control again. I went in to the new factory today, which i quite like BTW, and sorted through mountains of paperwork and organised and set up the office ready for me to try and work through this mess... The bookwork role isn't too hard, it's just time consuming at times and not baby and toddler friendly as concentration is really important.
So for the next 6 months at least all i will be doing will be working working working.

AARON AND I - Well that's at a stand still. As you probably gathered from my last post and previous comments about my MIL and Aaron i am not exactly in a great position right now. I am hurt, very hurt and not sure how long, or if at all, it will take for me to not be hurt. I handed over control of the shop when i found out i was pregnant with B as i was comfortable that the shop was doing well and that A coudl run it and MIL could do the bookwork, HOW WRONG WAS I. I was so looking forward to just being a mummy and studying to do what i love, fitness. Anyway i can't help but wonder how differently things might be if they had been up front with me about the situation of the shop and bookwork, it's a MESS. I can't blame them entirely though as i was stupid enough to put my whole trust in them and not even check. Anyway it's another life lesson learnt the hard way. A and i had a big chat last night and many many tears were shed. We love each other and our little family is extremely important to both of us it's just wether i can move past this or not, so for now we will continue to try and get out of this mess together but what the future holds i don't know?

I used to be nicknamed the "Budget Queen" so it looks like i will have to try and live up to that nick name again. I love budgeting and living tight, i see it as a challenge so that's how i am going to look at it from now, a challenge and if i get through it i am only going to be stronger.

I hope and pray that in 10 years time when i decide to read back through this that i will be able to smile and know that i got through it and became a better person because of it.

xox

Just whirling around.

My head is just whirling around at the moment. I am torn between so many things and really don't know which way to turn. Things just keep popping up and kicking me while i am down, just when you think, 'surely nothing else can go wrong' BAM something else comes up and whacks me from behind. I have had the wind taken out of me continually over the past 12 months and feel like i have well and truely lost my direction. My children are all i have at the moment and to be totally honest with you my best friend, Mel, is the only one who knows everything. I can't share everything that has happened for massive fear of judgement and embarrasment, that after everything he has put me through i am still trying to protect!!! AND WHY? I have no idea.
I am a happy person, i am very energetic and outgoing, very opinionated and very strong, i have NEVER had depression, and don't have it now, but i am in a hole and don't know how to get out, i am in a hole that i am stuck in for now and really don't know when i will be able to get out.
I can't tell the whole truth on here, or anywhere for that matter because it wouldn't be the right thing to do at the moment, Mel has been my saving grace right now and without being able to speak with her and share the whole truth i don't know where i would be... Maybe i am reaching out for help? Maybe i need to get more opinions and have more people backing me before i make some decisions? I really don't know right now.
I am not a down and out kind of person, my perspective and outlook on life is very positive and i know i will get through it i just need the strength to do what my gut and heart and head is telling me to do.
My children are my life and even after everything we have been through the past 12 months i still believe life is beautiful i just need to get us to that beautiful place and at the moment it seems so far away...
Where is that strong person i used to be?

We lost it. It's gone

We bought the shop back in September 2006. It was turning over approximately $6k a week and was going ok. By September 2007 we were turning over an average of $25k a week, yay our hard work had paid off.
I was working for Coca Cola at the time and was bringing home a VERY good wage but with the way the business was going we decided i would resign after having Regan and be a SAHM.
The next 12 months slowed down a bit but was still holding good at around $28k a week then disaster. In November 2008 Wooworths and Aldi opened up about 7ks down the road. Previous to that we only had 2 Coles near by, one about 200 meters up the road and the other about 7ks away. We remained positive that it wouldn't affect us too much and that we would be ok. Then the Global Financial Crisis!!! People were scared and stopped spending their money and became very money concious.
Over the coming months business started to decline, slowly but surely the customers didn't want to drive to do a seperate fruit and vege shop, instead preferred to get it all at the one place.
The we got hit again, Woolworths decided to open up about 200 meters up the road. In October 2009 they opened their doors and it was on!!! Coles had been the only supermarket in our area for a long time and all of a sudden they had competition. They were price competing against each other big time and continuosly priced us out of the market. We couldn't even buy the stock for what they were selling it for, we remained positive even though sales had dropped down to about $9k a week. We cut back every way we could, we cut wages, we cut advertising, we offered a customer loyalty program, we offered free home delivery to local customers, Aaron was working 90 hours a week and only brining home $800 a week, yep that was the bare minimum we needed to pay our home bills so that's what he was bringing home which in reality is like slave labour, he was earning only $8.88 an hour. I was doing the deliveries for the shop for free as well as covering some of the shorter shifts for nothing, but each week we fell further and further behind. Then Woolies did the unthinkable, they decided to offer free home delivery to local customers as well. Since when do they do anything for free???
This week we got a letter saying we were now 6 months behind in rent and that we were now in breach of our leasing agreement, we called them and explained the shop was on the market and that there was simply nothing we could do until we sold the business, but it wasn't enough.
This morning Aaron left for work at 3am only to find the locks had been changed, we lost it, it's gone. he called the bank who own the building, not the bank we bank with and can you belive it they answered the phone because they were worried about us and were waiting for our call, yep the bank manager answered her phone at 330am...
So Aaron jumped the fence and got some things out of the office and came home and woke me, it was about 5am and i got woken only to be told we no longer had the shop, i woke up, tood up and passed out. I then woke up and threw up before really understanding what was happening. My heart was pounding so hard i thought i might have been having a heart attack, i was in shock.
Both Regan and Boston woke up about an hour before they normally would have, kids have such an amazing sense to these things.
Aaron's parents came over, as they are part owners, and we drew up an action plan. We get access to the shop for 24 hours from 830am Monday in which time we have to gut the place. We own all the stock and equipment so need to remove it all. The plan now is to dismantle one of the smaller cool rooms and set it up in our garage and convert the remainder of the garage into a prep area, it's a largish garage. There are a few things we need to do to make it meet health regulations but it isn't much. We will continue to serve our wholesale customers and our home delivery box customers and hope to god we can survive. I am looking at going back to work full time to pay the bills but am not sure how i am going to go about doing this yet.
I have been swaing between laughing and crying today and i dont think it has really sunk in yet. I think it will hit me on monday when we have to go and clear it all out and when Aaron isn't working like normal.
Anyway i am going to leave it at that, my spelling is probably way out but i am just too emotionally drained to write any more right now.
I am remaining positive though, i know it will be extrememly tough but we will get there, eventually.

My goals for this week

OK so i started my journey at 71.8kg. Since christmas i have lost 6.3kg and am now sitting at 65.5kg. My first goal was 65kg and i am so close, my reward for that will be a new hair do and i can't wait. My easter goal is 63kg, which means i have 2.5kg to lose in 3 weeks, tough ask but i will give it a good crack. My ultimate goal is 60kg and i have until my sisters wedding on the 3rd of July to reach this. Wow, lots of numbers in there.

So this week my goals are as follows:

• At least 30 minutes of exercise EVERY DAY
• 5 mins of ab work every night coupled with core work
• Run 3 times this week
• Gym twice this week
• Eating right EVERY DAY

So that is all very achievable and when i hop on the scales on saturday i want to be under 65kg. I know i can do it, i just really need to focus and put in the hard yards.
xox

Learning young...

Yes everyone knows i am a breast feeding advocate and that i like to tell people about the benefits etc when ever the topic is raised, though i am really careful not to be pushy, so it's not much of a surprise i suppose that Missy R breast feeds her "babies". She has bottles for her babies but if you ask her about the bottles she will tell you that water goes into the bottles. She often grabs one of her babies and sits on the lounge with me and 'feeds' her baby while i am feeding Bossy but i am not normally able to capture this moment, for obvious reasons, so when Aaron was home the other day and she did it i made sure i got a pic. :-)

I personally think it's so cute and i am proud that her understanding of how babies are fed is by 'booby milk' and that she accepts that it is normal. One of my life goals is to teach my children about living a healthy life and i guess there is no better way to start than at the begining. :-)

xox

This is her...

I took this picture the other day at the beach and the more i look back on it the more i love it. It just captures Regan and who she is. That cheeky grin, those belly laughs, the beautiful eyes that are just so deep, the messy ruffled hair, the sunshine, blue sky and being outdoors. She LOVES the beach and is always so happy when we are there, or anywhere that has a bit of adventure.

Her smile still melts my heart, as much as it did the very first time, she is such a loving and affectionate girl, constantly ready for a cuddle and a kiss. I love the way she comes up and cuddles me from behind when i am on the lounge or on the veranda and plants a big kiss on my cheek, i love the way she grabs my legs and squeezes them with all her might and i love the way she wraps her arms around my neck and rubs her nose on mine.

She may be crazy at times and wear me out but she is still the most amazing girl i have ever met.

Kim xox

Weaning? I can't remember why exactly?

I have been really enjoying breast feeeding again and to be honest couldn't ever imagine bottle feeding any of my children. Anyway, while feeding Bossy the other day it got me thinking of how much i used to love feeding Regan and then i started thinking about when i weaned her. Now i am proud of how far we went (almost 14 months) and i am happy that the weaning process was easy and done when Regan was ready BUT i really can't remember why i decided to wean her then???
She was down to 1 feed at that point, only before bed, i was extremely tired and sick due to being in the early stages of pregnancy and Regan STILL wasn't sleeping through the night so maybe that had something to do with it? I remember people telling me that i 'really should consider weaning soon' and that i had 'fed her long enough' and that i 'should do it as early as possible now i am pregnant so she doesn't remember' rada rada but i am not one to normally cave in to peer pressure. I do remember my mum saying that Regan will wean herself in her own time now that i am pregnant but i didn't really listen to her and now wish i did.
From what i can remember one night she just seemed really happy so i said to Aaron that i wouldn't offer it and see what happened and sure enough she didn't ask for it. I think i thought if i wean her it is one less thing i have to do but in reality i can't really remember now.
So i guess i am now regretting my decsision to wean her when i did. I know i can't go back and change it instead need to be proud of how far we came, 14 months is a great effort.
So as for Boston i am going to leave it more up to him, instead of guiding the weaning this time i will completly leave it up to him. Chances are after 13 / 14 months he will only be having 1 feed a day so really who needs to know if we are still feeding or not.
Kim xox

Home to the shop - yay!

I have been back running now for 6 weeks. Yes i know, i took my time, Boston is 5.5 months now. Anyway one of my short term goals was to run from home to the shop and today i did it. :-)
Mum was here and the kids were being good so she said i should go so i did.
It's around 5 k's and i did it in 33 minutes including a 5minute warm up walk, so if i ran the whole thing it would have been closer to the 30 minute mark.
My aerobic fitness is great, aerobically i felt like i could have kept running for a lot longer it was my core and legs that were letting me down. At least i now know what i need to work on and will put together a program to increase my core strength and legs.
My next goal is to run to the shop and back... Eeek, will have to up my regular runs and really get stuck into my core training as i am pretty sure that is one of the main factors. Anyway i am still on track for the 10k Hill to Harbour run on Easter Monday and am actually really looking forward to it so in the mean time i will keep ounding the pavement. ;-)

Argh!!! I'm off track...

Ok so i have been going really well with my weight loss and fitness overhaul but since Bossy B's christening i have been pretty off track when it comes to my eating.

Why is it that i feel like i "need" these bad foods? Why do i give in so easily?

I go through all the right things in my head, like telling myself i will feel yuck after, it is only going to taste good for a minute, how much do i really want it, but i still mindlessly grab that bad food and eat it and i do feel bleh after eating it.

I have still been exercising enough and eating right most of the time but today Regan and i made choc chip cookies and i have seriously polished off half of them already. I have no will power when it comes to bad food being in the house, if it is here i will eat it which is why i don't normally have bad food in the house or make bad food but today i wanted to make Regan a treat.

Tomorrow is a new day and i promise to use Calorie King EVERY DAY for a week to get myself back on track. I really love that website, it is sooo simple to use and really helps you understand what you are putting into your body.

"Come on Kim, it's really not that hard, SNAP OUT OF IT"

-xox-

"THE MAN OF THE MOMENT" - Boston's Baptism.

7th February 2010

St Johns Anglican Church

Boston Beau Paull

Boston's baptism went off with out a hitch. We had him baptised at St Johns Anglican Church in Cooks Hill, which is where Aaron and i were married and where Regan was baptised.

Regan was baptised at about 4 months of age so i tried to do the same with Boston. The day went really well. Uncle Lee and Aunty LJ stayed at our place the night before. LJ and i woke up early sunday morning and went for a 4km run, Regan decided she wanted to come so we took turns in pushing her. As soon as we got home it was on! :-) We got stuck into the cooking, cleaning, showering, organising the children (including Aaron and Lee) and we did it all on time.

It was a raining day but very muggy and while Boston was being baptised we were all sweating up a storm.

He was an angel though, no tears, no grizzles, instead he ate the service book, oopps.

Regan was a gem as well, she was so well behaved and even got to help Father Stuart pour and bless the water. I am so lucky to have the two wonderful babies that i have they both absolutley adore each other and make each other smile all the time.


Now Aaron and i aren't overly religious. Aaron was bought up going to church every sunday as his family are quite religious and involved in the church. I on the other hand was bought up going to church occasionally but mainly being alowed to believe in what i want and follow what ever belief i wanted. Aaron and i were both christened Anglican and were married in an Anglican church.
Our reasons for wanting to have our children christened are that we wanted them to be introduced to the religion that we were both introduced to and it is something that is quite important in Aaron's family. Ultimatly it will be there decision what faith they want to follow, if any at all, but at least they will have somewhere to start.

God parents Lee and Amanda.

The god parents were an easy choice, they are also Regan's god parents and if we have any more children they will have the same god parents as well.

Amanda is my sister, even though i am from a large family she is my only 'full' sister. We are only 16 months apart in age and i would consider us very close. Amanda (Aunty Moo) and her soon to be husband Ben lead a life similar to ours, they both believe in healthy living, looking after the environment, staying active, remaining focused on goals and much more. They are both beautiful people who have hearts of gold. If in the unfortunate event that Aaron and i were taken from this eart then Amanda and Ben are the people we would want to guide our kids and take them into their care.

Lee is Aaron's best mate and has been pretty much since i met him. Lee has been there through everything and is always such a supportive person. Lee and LJ are ture friends and true friends are hard to fine. They have been there while we were engaged, got married and now had babies, even though they aren't at that stage in their lives them selves they are still there for us.

So what do the god parents mean to me. Well it's not the old fashioned meaning of 'that is who your children will go to if you die' instead to me a god parent is someone special in our life, someone who i would trust to give advice to my children should either of them decide to seek advice from people other than Aaron and i. Someone who i would be happy for my children to confide in or go to if they need help. They are someone who's advice i respect and who opinion if more than welcome and appreciated. It is someone who i know loves and cares for my children with all their hearts.

We continued on after the service at our place eating and drinking with friends and family. Boston was very spoiled with plenty of cuddles, kisses and gifts and again it was a lovely reminder of the wonderful friends and family we have.

-xox-

Not much really

Well not much has been happening the last week or so. We had Boston's christening on the weekend and it was fantastic but i will wait until i have some pictures to blog on that.
I have started doing the home deliveries for the shop, just the local ones, which take about an hour out of my day each day. It a bit of a pain in the butt, but i really need to start making some more money for the household and i would rather pay myself than pay someone else.
Mum had her hysterectomy (sp) yesterday and it all went really well except they had to take everything out, ovaries and all which means she will be on hormones pretty much for the rest of her life. Mum, being the fit woman that she is will be fine, she will bounce back no problems and is already looking forward to finally having a flat tummy. We went to visit her twice today and i think the kids really brightened her day, she was looking suprisingly well as well. Regan was ever so cute and hoped up onto the bed and said "so, nanny. You have a sore tummy?" She was busy chatting away to all the nurses and other patients in the room and even showed nanny how she does her 'exercises', lol. She has been watching me do mine at home and now copies, she can do some boxing, crunches, sit ups, squats and stretches, all in her own way of course. While we were there Boston was ever the angel that he is, happily kicked away, gooing and smiling at everyone. The lady in the bed next to mum saw me changing his bum and asked about the nappy's i was using so of course i went into my full blown pitch about the MCN's. She was rather impressed with them and is going to talk to her daughter in law about using them, i hope that is a good thing though as i know how some mother in laws can come across.
Anyway tomorrow we are doing the usual, heading to the gym first thing, coming home for lunch, heading out to do deliveries then coming home to do housework and play.
xox

"I want daddy"

I WAN'T DADDY... It's these words that break my heart on a daily basis. Regan is going through a stage where if she is tired or upset, hurts herself or gets in trouble she says in a sad soft voice, "I wan't daddy"...
As a mum i love my children more than words can ever describe, i love them more than life and would do anything and more for them. I am a stay at home mum and really put my all into raising my babies. I know when Regan say's it, it's only because Aaron works such long hours and isn't here as much as we would both like but it's still such a blow to my heart to hear these words daily. She fell over today and was crying and didn't want anything to do with me. I couldn't comfort her, i couldn't cuddle her, all she wanted was daddy. The feeling's that came over me were, well, overwhelming? Sadness, guilt, hurt, i felt sunken, i felt hollow and i also felt angry, i want to be the one my children want when they are upset, i want to be the one they cry for, but i guess that is selfish of me. I love that she loves her daddy so much and that she see's him as her protector and comfort but i can't help but long for that feeling of love from her as well.

Regan was very much a mummy's girl for at least the first 18 months of her life and i think it's those times i crave and it's the memories from those times that make this period so hard. Since Boston has come along she has had to share me and therefor doesn't get the attention she used to, i miss it and i know she misses it. When Aaron comes home from work he takes her out the back to play while i get dinner ready, Boston usually just sits in his swing because he is too young to 'play' just yet so she gets Aaron's undivided attention for 20 minutes or so and i think it's this time together that has strengthened their bond. I really try to get that one on one time with her every day but it's hard when you have laundry to do, dishes in the sink, dirty floors, lunches and snacks to make and another baby to look after. Maybe what i need to do is allocate some mummy daughter time for us once a week where i leave Boston with Aaron and take Regan out somewhere?
I don't know, just wanted to write down how i am feeling right now so that i can look back and hopefully be able to see i made it through ok.

xox

Making Museli...

Today Regan and i tried our hand at making our own museli... It is seriously hard to find any decent cereal in the shops without it containing salt, preservatives and LOADS of sugar so i decided we would make some and see how it goes.

We started with the basics, Rolled Oats, Rice Bran, Puffed Rice and some dried fruit, we measured them out, mixed them together and wallah! DONE, sooo simple. I try to get Regan involved in cooking with me at least once a week, she loves it and so do i. I can't wait for Boston to be old enough to join in as well but for now i love having that one on one time with Regan.

The little munchkin just loves stirring, even if we end up with musei flicked all around the kitchen. ;-) Don't mind the hair either, we are having 'issues' with getting it up in the mornings, it's not worth the argument with her so it can just stay messy. Will save those arguments for when i really need it to be up.

So breakfast tomorrow will be museli, i just hope it tastes as good as it looks.

Proud of myself. :-)

I am very proud of myself. I set out to lose some weight and well it's working! I have never really had to 'lose' weight before but have always had to 'maintain' my weight as i gain weight very easily.
A few reasons for me wanting to drop some kilo's are

• I'm just not happy at this weight
• My post preg body has been getting me down
• I want to fit into all my old clothes
• I want some confidence back
• My bridesmaids dress for my lil sisters wedding doesn't fit, opps.

So i started at the begining of this year, yep really bad time to start as most people who try to lose weight at this time of year usually fail. Anyway i am armed with the knowledge from my cert in Fitness and have been able to put it into practice, i still struggle resisting some of those yummy yummy foods but i just make up for it with exercise. Now this comment will be met with a lot of critisism but losing weight really is a simple formula, what goes in needs to be less than what is used.

Now this isn't a fad either, i have ALWAYS been into healthy living and really want to make sure i pass this on to Regan and Boston. I want them to grow up getting excited about fresh fruit and vegies not getting excited about hot chips and burgers. I want them to appreciate the food they eat and appreciate their bodies. I want them to treat their bodies with the respect it deserves by looking after it and giving it the right fuel.

I am really lucky that majority of our family feels the same so family functions are full of good healthy food. One of my friends even said to me how suprised she was at the difference between her family functions and mine, hers are filled with cup cakes and potato chips where as mine where filled with home made dips and vege stick, this comment actually made me quite proud.

Sure we do have 'bad' foods but they are only occasional or i usually modify them. I made party pies the other day but in the mince there was grated zucchini, spinach, carrot and mushroom. I made them completly from scratch and Regan and Aaron loved them.

So far this month i have lost 4.5kg. I am still breast feeding Boston so really don't want to lose weight too fast. I started at 71.6kg after losing all that i was going to lose after having Bossy B and am currently 67.1kg. my first goal is 65kg and my final goal is 60kg which i would like to be by Amanda's wedding. I know i can do it i just need to remain focused. :-)

The 'HOLIDAY'

As a general rule Aaron doesn't do holidays. It usually takes heaps of nagging, on my part, and heaps of winging, on his part before we actually manage to get anywhere but this time he decided to surprise the kids and i with a trip away to Harrington.

So i madly packed and we left early on saturday morning. The drive there was pretty good, the kids slept most of the way and Regan even managed to wear undies for the whole trip with only one stop for a wee wee on the grass. I was a bit worried about only going for the night that it would seem a bit rushed but it wasn't, it was great. We stayed at the Big4 caravan park, which was the perfect spot for the kids.

We swam and ate, went to the beach, played putt putt and jumped on a massive jumping pillow. Regan loved being away on holidays and Boston seemed to enjoy it as well. If only Aaron wasn't so tired from working so hard. I think for us to truely enjoy a holiday we would need to go away for a week, but we all know that just isn't possible when you own your own business.

So there you go, 'our' version of a holiday, it was only 1 day but it was worth it. ;-)

Here i go...

Ok so heaps of the girls i know from Baby center are regular bloggers... I LOVE the concept and attempted to start a blog a few years ago but just lost interest as i never really knew 'how' to blog. So i am giving it another go and am determined to stick at it and make it work. Why? For my babies. I want them to have a reference point or a memory book for their lifes journeys. For them to be able to look back and know how much they were loved, for them to be able to have a place to read and relive their memories or to learn about things i never remembered to tell them, they may hate the idea and never even lay eyes on this but at least it will be here for them if they want it.
My babies are my life and they make life beautiful.