Friday, February 5, 2010

"I want daddy"

I WAN'T DADDY... It's these words that break my heart on a daily basis. Regan is going through a stage where if she is tired or upset, hurts herself or gets in trouble she says in a sad soft voice, "I wan't daddy"...
As a mum i love my children more than words can ever describe, i love them more than life and would do anything and more for them. I am a stay at home mum and really put my all into raising my babies. I know when Regan say's it, it's only because Aaron works such long hours and isn't here as much as we would both like but it's still such a blow to my heart to hear these words daily. She fell over today and was crying and didn't want anything to do with me. I couldn't comfort her, i couldn't cuddle her, all she wanted was daddy. The feeling's that came over me were, well, overwhelming? Sadness, guilt, hurt, i felt sunken, i felt hollow and i also felt angry, i want to be the one my children want when they are upset, i want to be the one they cry for, but i guess that is selfish of me. I love that she loves her daddy so much and that she see's him as her protector and comfort but i can't help but long for that feeling of love from her as well.

Regan was very much a mummy's girl for at least the first 18 months of her life and i think it's those times i crave and it's the memories from those times that make this period so hard. Since Boston has come along she has had to share me and therefor doesn't get the attention she used to, i miss it and i know she misses it. When Aaron comes home from work he takes her out the back to play while i get dinner ready, Boston usually just sits in his swing because he is too young to 'play' just yet so she gets Aaron's undivided attention for 20 minutes or so and i think it's this time together that has strengthened their bond. I really try to get that one on one time with her every day but it's hard when you have laundry to do, dishes in the sink, dirty floors, lunches and snacks to make and another baby to look after. Maybe what i need to do is allocate some mummy daughter time for us once a week where i leave Boston with Aaron and take Regan out somewhere?
I don't know, just wanted to write down how i am feeling right now so that i can look back and hopefully be able to see i made it through ok.


No comments:

Post a Comment