Monday, April 26, 2010

Beautiful Nap Time

Yesterday was a cold rainy day. Having worked all week then been to the gym and run around all day saturday meant i just wanted to spend the day at home. By lunch time both the kids were starting to go a bit stir crazy with being trapped inside. Regan told me she was tired and wanted to have a nap but was having trouble falling asleep and wanted me to lay with her.
Boston was due for a feed so i suggested we all go and lay in my bed and i can feed Boston and lay with her while she fell asleep. Now normally this spells disaster, Regan normally gets frustrated by Boston wiggling and kicking while he feeds and then she distracts him from feeding by talking to him and trying to play. So we lay down and i started feeding Bossy and before i knew it we were all asleep. Boston next to me then Regan next to him. I lay there with my arm stretched out over both of them dozing on and off for 2 hours. It was one of the sweetest most precious things, to open my eyes and see both my babies snuggled up together and snuggled up to me. I didn't want to close my eyes again but i was just so tired that it over took me and i would drift off again.
It felt like only minutes but when they both started to stir i checked the clock and it was almost 2 hours since we first lay down. I lay there watching them slowly wake from their sleep and as they both opened their eyes and look at each other and at me they both smiled. Within minutes they were talking, gooing and laughing and ready to get up and get moving again but i will forever cherish that precious nap, those beautiful snuggles, those sleepy smiles, children really do give you the most amazing experiences of your life.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Back to work and not hating it???

Well this week i returned to work...
Whilst it was one of the hardest decisions i have ever had to make i am SOOO glad i decided to return. I was so hesitant to leave my babies for the 5 weeks of full time training but to be completly honest, i am loving it way more than i ever thought i would and that makes me feel terrible. I should be hating the time i am spending away from my babies, i should be pining for them every minute, shouldn't i? I have heard in the past some mum's say that by returning to work it makes them a better mum and it means the time they spend with their children is about quality rather than quantity. I used to think, pffftt, that's just something you tell yourself to make yourself feel better but now i am not so sure. Every lunch time and every afternoon i find my self absolutley enjoying every second i spend with my babies, instead of trying to grab 5 minutes on the computer or get the kids to play by them selves while i get the dishes done or stressing about the thousand things that need to be done i am now sitting down and devoting 100% of every minute with them. Because i am not running around constantly everyday i am finding i have so much more energy at night to stay up and get the housework done and get organised meaning i am not taking time away from them to get things done. Don't get me wrong if i had the chance i would stay home with the kids full time but i think by returning to work these 5 weeks it has made me a much better mum. I am a better mum because i appreciate the time i have with my babies whole heartedly, i am a better mum because i now realise our life was way to hectic before and i was wearing myself out trying so hard to be perfect and get everything done, i am a better mum because i realise i do need more "me" time and that "me" time doesn't mean i can't cope it just means i need to recharge so i can be the best mum possible, i am a better mum because i know i am contributing so much more to their future now and doing my absolute best to ensure they have a good life, i am a better mum because i am getting out there and talking to other adults meaning i am not so down on myself all the time.
Regardless of everything i have just said i am still hanging for the training to be over and found myself really wanting to come home this afternoon, the next challenge (and the bigger one) will be managing to work on the night shift as well as look after the kids during the day, it is really going to take it's toll on me and a good schedule is going to have to be worked out because the way it is both Aaron and i will be working off about 4-5 hours sleep a night and i know that won't be good but we will figure something out over the next few weeks.


Thursday, April 8, 2010


 Ok so i thought i would join in... ;-) Every Thursday Danimezza does a Polly Dolly theme. She will list the theme and then you put together your favourite things to do with that theme. I have decided to join in as it will give me something different to post about and hey i can get my shopping fix at the same time.

This week it's GYM GEAR!!!

So here is my collage and i will explain my choices.
The Lorna Jane pants. Well Lorna Jane is my all time favourite gym wear to buy the only down side is the $$$ however the quality is just fantastic so well worth it. Is it just me or do those pants just look soooo comfy. I am in desperate need of some new joggers. I LOVE my Asics and as soon as i am back at work will be frantically saving for a new pair. My iPhone is my weapon of choice while running, i run so much better while listening to music and i feel safe carrying it knowing that someone is just a phone call away, call my paranoid but sometime when i am running down a quiet street i get a little spooked.
My trusty Tupperware drink bottle, i have it in orange and it comes EVERYWHERE with me. It is a safe plastic that won't break down into the water and it saves me buying a new bottle of water everytime i go out. Did you know that water bottles are like the number 1 piece of litter... The Forum, this it my gym and i am hooked, i would go everyday if i could. The heart rate monitor is there because if i ever had a spare $150 i would buy one, it would make such a difference to my training. The wrist sweat band now I keep meaning to buy one of these but always manage to forget, it probably won't be so much of an issue now the weather is cooling down but i will try and get one soon.
Lastly NO EXCUSES, this is my motto when it comes to exercise and i love it becuase it's simple and so true.


Tuesday, April 6, 2010



Well most people buy easter eggs for their family on easter and while easter eggs were shared it wasn't the main event in my families easter this year. Instead of the traditional egg hunt and chocolate overdose we all decided to participate in the 10k Hill to Harbour fun run.
Now mum, my sister (Amanda) and i participate reguarly in fun runs but the rest of my family have never really bothered so we were sooo excited when most of them agreed to run with us. Even thought they have never run in a fun run before they are all pretty fit, active and healthy people so it really wasn't too hard to convince them.

The day started out at Amanda's at 730am, we all met and chatted and got excited and nervous about what we were all about to do. Then at about 8am we decided to walk to the start line, which was about 20 minutes from Amanda's house. On the way it started to rain and got heavier and heavier and really didn't look like it was going to stop. Amanda had her iPod and i had my iPhone and we were both worried about them getting wet so made the decision to call Aaron and get him to pick them up for us, bad move. Good old Murphy paid us a visit after that and right before the race the clouds parted and the sun came out. Grrr. Neither of us had ever run without music before but we were up for the challenge.

The race gun went and the masses started to slowly file through the start gate. Amanda and i started out running together but within the first 200meters she was already gaining momentum so we spilt and she ran ahead. It took me about 3k's to get into a good rhythmn which is way longer than usual but i think having no music was the problem then at about the 4k mark my feet started to hurt and the blisters started to build.

This is the end result of my blisters. :-( Even though they were killing me i never stopped running. As soon as i crossed that finish line though all i wanted to do was get my shoes off...

Anyway i LOVED it, i loved pushing myself and reaching a goal, i loved doing something with the whole community that supports one of my passions being health and fitness and the best part about it was i was doing it with the people that matter the most.

This is my sister (Amanda), me and my mum after the race. Now i do have to mention that my mum is a bit of a super woman, she had a full hysterectomy just 7 weeks prior and although she didn't run like she normally does she did walk the whole 10ks and is busting for the next challenge.

When i signed up for this particular run i had 2 goals, the first was to finish in under 75 minutes and the other was to beat my sister. Well i didn't beat Amanda but i did finish in under 75 minutes so i am happy with that.

So what did the rest of the family think??? They loved it and are all pumped and excited for next easter now. Looks like this will be an annual easter tradition for us now. :-)

Oh yeah and i know you are probably wondering what my time was, well it was 68 minutes from start to finish. The next race on the agenda is the Mothers Day Classic, bring it on. :-)


Friday, April 2, 2010

The down sizing begins...

OK it's time to downsize EVERYTHING!!!! The more we down size the faster we can repay the debt meeaning the sooner this dark cloud will lift.

THE HOUSE - Now i am going to do everything in my power not to sell BUT i am getting it valued on Tuesday simply to see what it's worth. We bought it in July 2007 for $345,000. Since then we have put new carpet in, painted, totally re-done the back yard, totally re-done the granny flat underneath and stacks of little things like add airconditioning etc. What i am hoping is that the value has gone up a bit so i can redraw on the loan to make a dent in some of the debt.

THE CAR - Yes my car has to go, infact i have 2 weeks to get rid of it. Eeeek. I have a buyer, well 2 actually. The first buyer, and the one i am selling to, is Pete, our former neighbour and landlord before we bought this house. He owns a car yard and is more than happy to buy the car off me, yay. The 2nd buyer is my mum, the day i bought the car she said to me "in 5 years time i am going to buy that car off you". She has loved the car ever since i bought it and has always said she wanted to buy it but i know that at the moment it isn't the right thing for her to do. Yes she has the money and loves the car BUT she is only buying it off me to help me out. Mum is very very strict with her money and would never spend more than $15k on a car, which is why she said in 5 years time she would buy it. As much as it is a lovely gesture i just wouldn't feel comfortable selling it to her.
So i have been looking high and low for a cheap, reliable car. Based on reccomendations I have looked at Holden Commodore's, Mazda's and Subaru's and i think i have found one. :-) I dark blue Subaru Impreza Wagon, it's a 1999 and only $7,500 so under budget, woohoo! Yes it's old and it's going to have problems but i have been driving past it for about a week and a half now and everytime i see it i like it a little more, then tonight i was on when i found it and fell in love with it even more. So first thing tomorrow morning i am going to call the guy.

THE KIDS ACTIVITES - Jungle Sports on Thursday, Swimming lessons's on Wednesday, Gymbaroo on Mondays. All gone. :-( I have decided for the next 6 months we will give the activities a miss. As much as this breaks my heart i have to be realistic. We were spending about $650 per term on activities for the kids and that doesn't include petrol too and from each activity. It will break my heart that they can't do them but i am just going to have to try and make up for it in other ways like more trips to the park and doing my own swimming practive with them. I keep telling myself there are plenty of other kids out there who do no activites and are fine and i know they don't "need" to do all these things but i am struggling with letting them go. They aren't the only ones having to miss out, my gym membership runs out in May and i am going to have to let that go as well. :-( :-( I know it's not forever and i know i have the knowledge and the skills to keep training and stay fit on my own but i will miss that me time, that 1.5 hours i get to put the kids in the creche and exercise in peace will now have to be done at home with Miss R copying me and asking why i'm doing what i am doing, very cute though.

THE FOOD - I have always been a good food shopper and so this wont be too hard. We will still get our F&V for nothing and our meat will still be a barter deal with the butcher but everything else is going to have to be watched. Our takeaway 1 night a week will have to stop, not that i am too worried about that, and Aaron is giving away his beloved beer, woopty do... I am going to be more careful with waste and make sure we eat our left overs instead of throwing them out.

PANDORA - I sat down and roughly went through my Pandora charms the other night and to my absolute shock i have more than $1500 worth of charms!!! I nearly fell off the side of the bed... Granted i have had it for a couple of years and most of the charms have been given to me as gifts so it's not like i have gone and spent that much money on jewellery. Not sure what i am going to do about it but knowing how much i have sitting in my bedside draw is making it very tempting to sell.

WORK - So i start work with the Commonwealth Bank in just over a week. I will be working full time, 830-430pm M-F, for 4 weeks for training then i will move onto my standar shift which will be 9pm till 2am M-F. I am going to be buggered but i will survive. I am going back into a contact centre and the role is similar to where i started with Coke. I am taking a couple of steps backwards in terms of my career but i am more than ok with that. I couldn't do the hours that my old role requires nor could i handle the stress right now, so for now i will be more than happy to answer the phones and talk to people. That's not to say i don't have any goals for career progression, i have many goals that will be achievable within CBA but for now i just want to work. I am still looking at PT work but not pushing it at the moment, i really need consistant reliable work more than anything.
Bookwork. Yep there is that dirty word... So i know i can't 'blame' her directly but for F's Sake why didn't my MIL, who was doing the books, make me aware of the situation before it became a total disaster?!?!?! Why oh why did my MIL and Aaron decide it was better NOT to tell me the full extent of what was going on? So since the crap hit the fan i have taken control again. I went in to the new factory today, which i quite like BTW, and sorted through mountains of paperwork and organised and set up the office ready for me to try and work through this mess... The bookwork role isn't too hard, it's just time consuming at times and not baby and toddler friendly as concentration is really important.
So for the next 6 months at least all i will be doing will be working working working.

AARON AND I - Well that's at a stand still. As you probably gathered from my last post and previous comments about my MIL and Aaron i am not exactly in a great position right now. I am hurt, very hurt and not sure how long, or if at all, it will take for me to not be hurt. I handed over control of the shop when i found out i was pregnant with B as i was comfortable that the shop was doing well and that A coudl run it and MIL could do the bookwork, HOW WRONG WAS I. I was so looking forward to just being a mummy and studying to do what i love, fitness. Anyway i can't help but wonder how differently things might be if they had been up front with me about the situation of the shop and bookwork, it's a MESS. I can't blame them entirely though as i was stupid enough to put my whole trust in them and not even check. Anyway it's another life lesson learnt the hard way. A and i had a big chat last night and many many tears were shed. We love each other and our little family is extremely important to both of us it's just wether i can move past this or not, so for now we will continue to try and get out of this mess together but what the future holds i don't know?

I used to be nicknamed the "Budget Queen" so it looks like i will have to try and live up to that nick name again. I love budgeting and living tight, i see it as a challenge so that's how i am going to look at it from now, a challenge and if i get through it i am only going to be stronger.

I hope and pray that in 10 years time when i decide to read back through this that i will be able to smile and know that i got through it and became a better person because of it.