Well this week i returned to work...
Whilst it was one of the hardest decisions i have ever had to make i am SOOO glad i decided to return. I was so hesitant to leave my babies for the 5 weeks of full time training but to be completly honest, i am loving it way more than i ever thought i would and that makes me feel terrible. I should be hating the time i am spending away from my babies, i should be pining for them every minute, shouldn't i? I have heard in the past some mum's say that by returning to work it makes them a better mum and it means the time they spend with their children is about quality rather than quantity. I used to think, pffftt, that's just something you tell yourself to make yourself feel better but now i am not so sure. Every lunch time and every afternoon i find my self absolutley enjoying every second i spend with my babies, instead of trying to grab 5 minutes on the computer or get the kids to play by them selves while i get the dishes done or stressing about the thousand things that need to be done i am now sitting down and devoting 100% of every minute with them. Because i am not running around constantly everyday i am finding i have so much more energy at night to stay up and get the housework done and get organised meaning i am not taking time away from them to get things done. Don't get me wrong if i had the chance i would stay home with the kids full time but i think by returning to work these 5 weeks it has made me a much better mum. I am a better mum because i appreciate the time i have with my babies whole heartedly, i am a better mum because i now realise our life was way to hectic before and i was wearing myself out trying so hard to be perfect and get everything done, i am a better mum because i realise i do need more "me" time and that "me" time doesn't mean i can't cope it just means i need to recharge so i can be the best mum possible, i am a better mum because i know i am contributing so much more to their future now and doing my absolute best to ensure they have a good life, i am a better mum because i am getting out there and talking to other adults meaning i am not so down on myself all the time.
Regardless of everything i have just said i am still hanging for the training to be over and found myself really wanting to come home this afternoon, the next challenge (and the bigger one) will be managing to work on the night shift as well as look after the kids during the day, it is really going to take it's toll on me and a good schedule is going to have to be worked out because the way it is both Aaron and i will be working off about 4-5 hours sleep a night and i know that won't be good but we will figure something out over the next few weeks.