Just whirling around.

My head is just whirling around at the moment. I am torn between so many things and really don't know which way to turn. Things just keep popping up and kicking me while i am down, just when you think, 'surely nothing else can go wrong' BAM something else comes up and whacks me from behind. I have had the wind taken out of me continually over the past 12 months and feel like i have well and truely lost my direction. My children are all i have at the moment and to be totally honest with you my best friend, Mel, is the only one who knows everything. I can't share everything that has happened for massive fear of judgement and embarrasment, that after everything he has put me through i am still trying to protect!!! AND WHY? I have no idea.
I am a happy person, i am very energetic and outgoing, very opinionated and very strong, i have NEVER had depression, and don't have it now, but i am in a hole and don't know how to get out, i am in a hole that i am stuck in for now and really don't know when i will be able to get out.
I can't tell the whole truth on here, or anywhere for that matter because it wouldn't be the right thing to do at the moment, Mel has been my saving grace right now and without being able to speak with her and share the whole truth i don't know where i would be... Maybe i am reaching out for help? Maybe i need to get more opinions and have more people backing me before i make some decisions? I really don't know right now.
I am not a down and out kind of person, my perspective and outlook on life is very positive and i know i will get through it i just need the strength to do what my gut and heart and head is telling me to do.
My children are my life and even after everything we have been through the past 12 months i still believe life is beautiful i just need to get us to that beautiful place and at the moment it seems so far away...
Where is that strong person i used to be?