two or three?

Babies that is... I want three he is happy with two. Hmmm, i have never made it a secret that i have always wanted three children but in the same breath Aaron has always said he 'thinks' he wants two. He always said he would re-assess after we had children and after Boston was born he said he is happy with the two.
Now i totally understand his reasonings BUT i think, i am pretty sure, i want another. I do sway though from desperately wanting another to being happy with the two gorgeous ones we have now. From as far back as i can remember i have wanted 3 kids, i always said i wanted 2 boys and a girl, not that i would care what the sex of the next one was but my point is this isn't something i have just decided on lately. I think what is swinging my mind is Aaron's points.
Ok so here are his reasons why he doesn't want another baby and my responses. ;-)

• Car - We wouldn't have any spare seats. Why do we need a spare seat? The car will fit 3 car seats
• House - Two of them would have to share. They wouldn't have had to share if he hadn't put us in the financial shit hole we are in as the plan was to sell before R started school and get a bigger house and if we keep working hard we will get out of this and be able to buy a bigger house. And what is wrong with kids sharing a room for a few years.
• Finances - He wants to be able to give our children a helping hand and give them the best possible start. Please refer to part of the response above but also having three kids wont make us broke, yes we wont be able to give them as much as if we only had two but this is always going to be the case when you add another child.
• Time - He can take one kid somewhere i can take the other kid somewhere and one of them will have to miss out. Heaps of people have three or more kids and manage.
• Relationship - Our relationship has been through more than most couples would go through in a life time over the last 18months. Well this is my con, Aaron thinks things are back to 100% but i am still dealing with everything so this is my main con against having three babies.
• Getting me back - I am really enjoying getting me back, i have either been pregnant or BF since March 2007 so it will be nice to have me back but if i had another child i totally wouldn't mind giving up myself again for a few years.
• Effort and stress - He thinks i am a bit of a perfectionist and he gets annoyed about how i always have to have the house clean and always have to be doing things with the kids, he doesn't understand why i can't just let them watch TV (like he does when he has them) and that i am going to wear myself out and become even more of a stress head. Isn't this for me to deal with, yes i do get stressed when things don't go the way i plan and yes i do like to schedule everything and am a super organised person but i think those organisational skills are what would help me cope well with three kids.

Ok i will leave it there. I might come back and read over those pro's and con's a few times over the next few weeks and hope the picture is clearer. I wish it was an easy decision.

Right Now...

Right now i am sitting on the lounge in the lounge room. The movie "little miss sunshine" is on TV and i can hear the air conditioner kick into action. B went to bed fine at around 8pm but my little miss sunshine has decided that sleep isn't for her any more. Rather than argue with her (i have learn't to pick my battles) i let her grab her pillow and a blanket and lay on the lounge. Needless to say she crashed out shortly after and this is the sleeping beauty as she is right now laying next to me.

So i have done the tasks i set for myself tonight which was to clean the lounge room and dining room again and mop all the floors, yay. Finally i can sit and relax with the lap top.

To be totally honest with you though i actually really enjoy housework. I love the gratification i get after the job is done and i love looking around seeing the house all sparkly and clean, even if i know it will be destroyed within 5 minutes of the kids waking in the morning. Sad of me isn't it. I guess after everything that we have been through over the last few years it's the smallest things that make me happy.

One of the things that makes me happiest lately is coming home from work. Yep as soon as 2am hits i am out the door as fast as i possibly can be. I love walking in the door wondering which of my babies will be in bed waiting for cuddles and i actually get a tad dissapointed if they have both slept beautifully and are both still tucked up in their own beds. Again sad of me isn't it.

Anyway when i got home on saturday morning this is what i was greeted with.

Nawwwwww, both my babies crashed out in my bed. Don't you just love how B is draped over the pillow and R is all neat and sleeping as if she were a princess. lol.

So of course i promptly hopped into bed and joined them all for cuddles, lucky we have a king size bed!

-xox-

Hello Blog... My pledge.

Well hello blog, long time no see. ;-)

Yes life has gotten busy again, yes very busy and as my previous promise i have come back and will come back.

OK so yes life is hectic and yes i am tired but it is important to me to write about what is happening in my life, our life so my pledge is i promise to post every sunday night. It may not be much, it may not be interesting or inspiring but i will post every week.

Promise.

Kim -xox-

Our first family trip to the movies...

Firstly i am back, yay... :-) I have been on night shift for 2 weeks now and finally feel like i am starting to find some sort of routine and the money is really starting to help, but that's for another time...

Today Aaron and i decided to take the kids off to the movies for the very first time... It has been raining non stop here for the past few weeks and the kids and i have a bad case of cabin fever so i was flicking through the paper when i saw Mickey Mouse Club House was at the movies.

The whole way there Regan kept saying "yay we are going to the big kids movies" but even as we got there i don't think she really knew what we were doing. So we lined up for tickets and as usual Aaron is telling me to stop taking photo's and come and help him, ergh, can men ever do anything by themselves. ;-)

So as a treat we let Regan get some lollies and pop corn. Yes that is the biggest bucket of popcorn i have ever seen but it was shared between Regan, Aaron and myself. Needless to say she had to carry the treats.

So we went in and sat down but we had no idea that they now have allocated seating, whoops!!! So we had to up and move seats just incase, now that tells you how long it's been since we have been to the movies.

We finally got our seats and settled in. Regan LOVED it... She was so well behaved and kept laughing and smiling the whole movie and Boston was an angel... He sat there a bit mesmerised and also a bit confused watching the big screen but then happily played with his giraffe, had a feed, then quietly fell asleep.

Please note the GIANT size coke my husband had... Despite this he still managed to fall asleep during the movie, he was awake for most of it though and only started snoozing in the last 10 minutes or so, so he did better than what he usually does.

All up it was a fantastic day and the kids loved it. I can't wait until the next child friendly movie.

Training is almost done!!!

"Hi this is Kimberly, your service specialist, how may i help you."

Haha, well this is what i will be saying about 80 times per shift 5 days a week as of next week. Yep, my training is finially finishing, i have 1 day of training left and then 1 week of buddying then i start my shift work.

I have really enjoyed training, using my mind again, meeting new people and talking to adults but i have missed my babies terribly.

I can now see that the push for me to return to work is one of the best things that has happened. For the 1st time in ages i have spare money in my bank account, i am appreciating my babies and the time i have with them so much more and it has done wonders for my sanity.

- xox -

Beautiful Nap Time

Yesterday was a cold rainy day. Having worked all week then been to the gym and run around all day saturday meant i just wanted to spend the day at home. By lunch time both the kids were starting to go a bit stir crazy with being trapped inside. Regan told me she was tired and wanted to have a nap but was having trouble falling asleep and wanted me to lay with her.
Boston was due for a feed so i suggested we all go and lay in my bed and i can feed Boston and lay with her while she fell asleep. Now normally this spells disaster, Regan normally gets frustrated by Boston wiggling and kicking while he feeds and then she distracts him from feeding by talking to him and trying to play. So we lay down and i started feeding Bossy and before i knew it we were all asleep. Boston next to me then Regan next to him. I lay there with my arm stretched out over both of them dozing on and off for 2 hours. It was one of the sweetest most precious things, to open my eyes and see both my babies snuggled up together and snuggled up to me. I didn't want to close my eyes again but i was just so tired that it over took me and i would drift off again.
It felt like only minutes but when they both started to stir i checked the clock and it was almost 2 hours since we first lay down. I lay there watching them slowly wake from their sleep and as they both opened their eyes and look at each other and at me they both smiled. Within minutes they were talking, gooing and laughing and ready to get up and get moving again but i will forever cherish that precious nap, those beautiful snuggles, those sleepy smiles, children really do give you the most amazing experiences of your life.

Back to work and not hating it???

Well this week i returned to work...

Whilst it was one of the hardest decisions i have ever had to make i am SOOO glad i decided to return. I was so hesitant to leave my babies for the 5 weeks of full time training but to be completly honest, i am loving it way more than i ever thought i would and that makes me feel terrible. I should be hating the time i am spending away from my babies, i should be pining for them every minute, shouldn't i? I have heard in the past some mum's say that by returning to work it makes them a better mum and it means the time they spend with their children is about quality rather than quantity. I used to think, pffftt, that's just something you tell yourself to make yourself feel better but now i am not so sure. Every lunch time and every afternoon i find my self absolutley enjoying every second i spend with my babies, instead of trying to grab 5 minutes on the computer or get the kids to play by them selves while i get the dishes done or stressing about the thousand things that need to be done i am now sitting down and devoting 100% of every minute with them. Because i am not running around constantly everyday i am finding i have so much more energy at night to stay up and get the housework done and get organised meaning i am not taking time away from them to get things done. Don't get me wrong if i had the chance i would stay home with the kids full time but i think by returning to work these 5 weeks it has made me a much better mum. I am a better mum because i appreciate the time i have with my babies whole heartedly, i am a better mum because i now realise our life was way to hectic before and i was wearing myself out trying so hard to be perfect and get everything done, i am a better mum because i realise i do need more "me" time and that "me" time doesn't mean i can't cope it just means i need to recharge so i can be the best mum possible, i am a better mum because i know i am contributing so much more to their future now and doing my absolute best to ensure they have a good life, i am a better mum because i am getting out there and talking to other adults meaning i am not so down on myself all the time.

Regardless of everything i have just said i am still hanging for the training to be over and found myself really wanting to come home this afternoon, the next challenge (and the bigger one) will be managing to work on the night shift as well as look after the kids during the day, it is really going to take it's toll on me and a good schedule is going to have to be worked out because the way it is both Aaron and i will be working off about 4-5 hours sleep a night and i know that won't be good but we will figure something out over the next few weeks.

xox